A catharsis for spiritual engagement that somehow, magically, leads us back to our own basic goodness. And certainly, like the poison it can be, this longing would somehow kill me. Three days later, I deleted my profile because I was dateless and still unhappy. I was exhausted and bitter and had so many unanswered questions about myself floating around in my head. I want to believe that this feeling is always available to me, waiting to be breathed into, waiting to be unpacked. So I took another deep breath and contemplated on that some more. In his free time he enjoys free writing in his journal, dancing like a maniac, and attending the Boston Shambhala Centers 30’s and Under Meditation group on Tuesday evening.
I was convinced that someone out there could make me happy.
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This is a confessional piece about a recent…[ummm manic]…online dating episode I had a few weeks ago. Now take that pull, that force, give it digitized-crack and red-bull and make it accessible at an instant.
Retrospectively, I know why meditation is important to me. This is what I experienced after one weekend of online dating.
Am I the only one who has experienced the wonderful, the terrifying and the potentially dangerous pull of romantic relationships and the pursuit of love?
Am I the only one who has had an acutely maddening online dating experience?As I re-call my experience I will make these reflections clear through topics affectionately called “vignettes de crazy”. Because of this experience I am now grappling with the following questions: what drives me to look for romantic love?And at several points I will refer to Sakyong Mipham’s book Ruling Your World: Ancient Strategies for Modern Life, because in the midst of my craziness his book was sort-of a lifeline for me. Buddha: reflections on Internet dating, the dharma and one Shambhala warrior’s failed attempt to find love online. Why do I choose the romantic partners that I choose? And what do the answers to these questions reveal about myself on this path towards spiritual awakening?I sunk so deeply that I promptly lost my mind, found it again and deleted my profile. laboriously, PAINFULLY scrolling through one thousand Facebook pictures in order to find that PERFECT picture. The reason why this process was so painful was because I was looking through the eyes of the big “other”. The other men who would be judging me, maybe harshly so, worthy or unworthy of their time and attention strictly based on the pictures and words strategically strung together on my profile (insert something here about a pot and kettle). How do we come to want what we want from our romantic partners? With an approving “like” men were saved to my profile as matches and with a disapproving “dislike” they disappeared, never to be seen again.[And look, I know online dating works for some people. But for me, online dating made me a wee bit psycho.] So here is what came up for me along the way. The process of choosing the “perfect” profile picture somehow became its own meditation. Another wise friend once told me (or maybe it was Oprah) that we usually desire from others that which we feel we do not have in ourselves. Cupid it was going to have to be from someone who was a certain age, who looked a certain way and who had certain interests and life goals. In all honesty I think the “like” button is possibly the worst invention in the history of mankind. But why did I find it appropriate to sort through these men in a manner I dare not do in real life? Meet Buddhist singles on our Completely Free Buddhist Matrimonial Site.